Infatuated or really in love?!?

INFATUATION	LOVE
instant - blooms quickly	takes root slowly and grows in time
stimulating and thrilling (you feel feverish excitement when your partner is near you) but also uncertain and insecure (you feel miserable when he/she is far)	brings security - the warmth when the partner is near does not diminish when he/she is far you want him/her near but you are still near when he/she is far
makes you lose your appetite; you can't concentrate, can't keep your mind on your work; you get short-tempered and unpleasant with your family	you are sensible about your diet; you work harder because you want to excel for your loved one; you're happy and sure and this makes you positive with everyone
wants you to get married right away - you can't wait because you can't lose him/her	you can wait even if you prefer to marry at once; you plan your future with complete confidence
stems from a desire for self-gratification - the partner fulfills an urgent need in your life	is born out of deep concern for the welfare of the beloved; outside criticism does not dull your attachment - it sharpens it; misfortune strengthens the bond of love
largely a matter of sex - relationship almost always wants to end up in physical intimacy.	sex is also a natural and spontaneous part (but only a part) of love – you can nave fun together even without landing up in bed
infatuated couples usually find it easy to disagree	when you're in love you are ready to accept differences
sparks off thoughts of jealousy and lack of trust – when he/she is away you wonder whether he/she is with another	understands that there is perfect trust in a relationship – all others with whom the beloved laughs are outside the sacredness of this relationship
you can 'fall' into an infatuation; infatuation may lead you to do things you normally would not approve of; infatuation says "I love you far what you give me when I am with you".	you cannot "fall" in love; love always makes you a better person than you were before; love says "I love you not only for what you are but for what l am when l am with you”

First Vows

FIRST PROFESSION

“The First Profession marks the beginning of a period of consecrated life.” C113

The First Profession is just the beginning. What happens next is more important - fidelity to the vows. It is beautiful to hear the words of the theologian St.Thomas Aquinas which teach us that at the First Profession the candidate receives once more his baptismal innocence. But for how long he preserves that baptismal innocence afterwards would be far more beautiful.

The ecstasy of the First Profession is only for a moment. After a while it is no more. But the promises made in those fleeting moments must be lived constantly in the daily renewal of one’s commitment to be poor, chaste and obedient.

You have only begun your Salesian Life. You still need to nourish yourselves with what concerns following Christ and Don Bosco. You have to learn a lot of skills. This would entail sacrifice and even failures. Stand up every time you fall.

Do not forget the God who begun the good work in you. He will bring everything to completion and fruition if you just are willing to say “yes” every day. As you celebrate one anniversary after another, it will be more clear to you that God remains faithful even if you are not.

In the Beginning

bEGINNINGS

Fr. Alfred Cogliandro used to tell his novices every year that they were the Best Novices ever – well the novices always thought that it was true at least for that year. And it is really true because as everyone knows each year there is always a new batch of novices and every year there is only one batch. This must also be the reason why they are called “novices” – every year the novices are always new.

This year, however, the novitiate at DBMS is slightly different from the previous years. For this year even the novice master is new. He may be a bit old as some would tease him but he is at least new to his task as novice director.

Nonetheless, the present novice master is not at all worried. Despite walking on unfamiliar grounds, he believes that he is in a situation similar to the situation of everyone. No one starts at the end. Everyone starts at the beginning. No one is born an adult. Everyone is born a child. You can’t build a house from the roof down, nor dig a hole from the bottom up. You always start at the beginning. This year the master starts too at the beginning.

This year the master is also a novice. It is a good chance for him to once more live the “vitality of the beginnings” which his own novice director used to speak of when he was still a young novice. After being in the religious life for so many years, one can plateau in his fervor. And in these moments of holy immobility, he can always go back to where he had been once if only to bring back to his present situation his original spiritual force and dynamism.

Whether we are just starting our ascent up the mountain of religious life or are already on the way down, everyone needs the vitality of the beginning. May we have an abundance of this vitality with us always.

Mary In Our Lives

MARY’S PRESENCE

“What you see happening to these boys – turning from wild animals into gentle lambs – you would also do to my children: the young.” With these words our Blessed Mother gave John Bosco, in his first dream, his mission in life.

But being only nine years old then, he could only cry in bewilderment. Luckily Mary didn’t just leave after giving him this colossal task. True to what Jesus had said in the same dream: “I will give you a teacher without whom all wisdom is foolishness”, the Lady stayed with John, not only at the beginning to instruct him during his young years – but even throughout his entire life to be his constant guide and support. Hence later on Don Bosco as an old priest was able to say “at every step, in every circumstance, Mary was there”.

With Don Bosco gone, however, Mary up to now still remains with our congregation. What she had begun in Don Bosco she would bring to completion through Don Bosco’s sons. This Don Bosco himself believed when he said “every boy that comes to a Salesian school is brought by Mary”.

Every Salesian that comes to our congregation is brought by our Lady. Allow me to share with you my experience on this. There were five sons in my family. While all my brothers were already Bosconians, I was the only one who wasn’t. Fortunately I still made it to Don Bosco Technical Institute at Mandaluyong during my sixth year in elementary. But after that brief year I was snatched away by our parish priest to San Jose Minor Seminary. Why would Mary bring me to Don Bosco only to be swept out again after one year? It is also said that Mary sweeps away the bad boys from our schools especially during her feasts. Was I bad then? I enjoyed my time, nonetheless, with the Jesuits at San Jose. But after two years, the Jesuits, for lack of manpower, decided to close down San Jose. After trying out other seminaries, I decided that I would go back to the major seminary of Jesuits after finishing high school in DBTI where I graduated from elementary. But upon learning that I was coming from a seminary, the principal there suggested that I go instead to the Juniorate in Pampanga. And so I went. Mary managed after all to bring me back to Don Bosco and to do so she had a seminary closed down. And from that time onwards I never left Don Bosco.

“We believe that Mary is present among us and continues her mission as Mother of the Church and Help of Christians. We entrust ourselves to her that we may become for the young witnesses of her Son’s boundless love.” C8

Assistants

ASSISTANCE

“Care should be taken that the pupils are never left alone. As far as possible the assistants ought to precede the boys to the place where they assemble; they should remain with them until others come to take their place, and never leave the pupils unoccupied.” Don Bosco

As a young Salesian I have been taught by my superiors never to leave the boys alone unattended. Thus when I was a practical trainee, much as I wanted to unwind and watch TV on Friday evenings with the rest of the brothers, I stayed in the dormitory to watch over the few weekend boarders while they were sleeping.

But in these post-modern times of multi-tasking and fewer Salesian vocations, it seems we cannot anymore avoid on certain occasions leaving the boys alone.

Don Bosco himself on certain occasions had also to leave the oratorians by themselves. When that would happen he would normally leave his biretta on top of his desk in the study hall to remind the boys to behave in his absence. He also had inscribed on the walls at Valdocco these words: “God sees you” for the same purpose of keeping discipline at those times when the boys would be unassisted.

Don Bosco was well aware that the oratorians sooner or later would eventually leave him, the Salesians and the oratory. Without the assistance of the Salesians, they would nevertheless have to do still the right things; but by then they would already be on their own. Thus it was clear in Don Bosco’s mind that the real goal of his Preventive System is not only independence from the Salesians but real self-discipline – control and restraint springing from the boys themselves and not from the external presence of their superiors.

Preventive System after all is not repressive but rather expressive. Through it the boys learn to act independently expressing themselves in multiple ways that are healthy and pure. Thus Don Bosco encouraged among the boys sports, recreation, music and theatre as well as study, work and prayer. But among the Salesians themselves he still encouraged assistance not only as a necessary means for the boys to attain self-discipline and independence but more so as a crucial way for the Salesians to know the young.

“Here in your midst I feel completely at home; for me, living means being here with you.”

Don Bosco

Service

HOLY SERVANT

“You know that among the pagans their so-called rulers lord it over them and their great men make their authority felt. This is not to happen among you. No; anyone who wants to become great among you must be your servant, and anyone who wants to be the first among you must be the slave of all.”

Mark 10:42-44.

When I was assigned as Catechist at DBTC as expected my office was “tambayan” of students during recess. As a result my office became also one of if not the dirtiest at school. The janitor cleaned it only once a week and so everyday I had to tidy it myself. Usually I only had to sweep the floor and dust but when it was raining I had to mop off too the muddy footprints. In one of those days, one teacher saw me and said: “Father, why are you doing this? It’s so shameful! You are a priest.” Puzzled, I asked myself: “Why? Did I do anything wrong?”

I did nothing wrong and so I had nothing to be ashamed of. But why is it some of us think that if we already hold some authority we cannot any more do work because others will be working for us? I think it was not correct because as far as I can remember Jesus even recommended service to would-be-leaders.

I remember a priest who always impressed me in the past every time we meet. He was then the rector of one house. But almost at the end of the meal he would stand up to collect the plates of everyone. This happens especially on days when his community had guests at table. I said this is a leader after the pattern proposed by Christ.

When I myself became a rector, shamefully I acted or at least thought differently from this model rector. I said: Now I am rector they must ask me permission. Now I am rector they must pray everyday for my intentions. No, I did not think of going to the places where the confreres worked to ask them how they were doing. I thought more of others working for me than me working for them. I had the leadership of this world. Fortunately I am ending my third term and I have been learning from my mistakes.

To be the first in heaven one must the least on earth. To lead or better still to be holy one must be a servant of all.

In imitation of Christ and in his name, authority in the Congregation is exercised according to the spirit of Don Bosco as a service to brothers for discerning and fulfilling the Father’s will.

This service is directed to fostering charity, coordinating the efforts of all, animating, orienting, making decisions, giving corrections, so that our mission may be accomplished.

C121

Vows or Virtue?

The VOWS –

as means to VIRTUE

Vows are only means to becoming virtuous. Virtue is the end of the religious who vows to be chaste, poor and obedient. As means, the vows serve the acquisition of virtues and thus are less important with regards to virtues. Unfortunately some mix them up sometimes – they confuse the vows as the end.

Jesus before fought with the Pharisees because they did something like this. The Pharisees also confused the means for the end. They thought and taught that the laws were more important. At all cost they were to be followed even if it means avoiding what is good to one’s neighbor. If one’s kid falls into the well, you cannot save him if it is the Sabbath. For the same reason you cannot make the paralytic walk, you cannot feed the hungry, you cannot heal the shriveled hand of a man or end a woman’s long suffering from hemorrhage if it is the Sabbath. The man was made for Sabbath. In this case the end was inferior to the means.

Don Bosco also was against this type of confusion. He said punishments are only means to correct the offender. If thus the boy repents even before he is punished, then the punishment is rendered useless. He said this because some superiors might wish to punish some boys for wrong motives of revenge because these boys spurned their authority.

Jesus and Don Bosco think in the same way because they both have the good of the person in mind – not anything else. The confusion only enters when other things are set as priorities over the person.

This is the reason why this confusion continues on in the post-modern world and why unfortunately (as I‘ve already insinuated) it has crept even into our religious circles.

Some religious have been very critical of confreres who break the rules in the guise of upholding the rules. They reached the point of being cruel to their brothers for the sake of the constitutions. Isn’t it strange because the same rules they uphold are supposed to safeguard love and mutual forgiveness that is to exist in community life?

When we reach heaven, we won’t anymore receive the Holy Eucharist because Jesus will be there in person. What more have we need of pictures when the one in the picture is already right in front of us? What more do we need vows when one is already virtuous? But that happens only when we are already in heaven. In the meantime let us keep our vows – but in their proper place only as means to becoming holy.